Always

I hate to wait for people.

I lost the patience.

Forever making me wait.

Forever taking me for granted.

Forgoodness sake.

When I said I will be there at 8, have the courtesy to check if I did not reach on time. Dont ignore. Stupid bitches like you are blardy ignorant. Every single time I fetched, you expect me to let you know I have arrived and then you will make your way down from your apartment or office. I am your gal pal. Not your boyfriend. So please be respectful and have the fucking respect for people who are fetching you.

I hate, really hate waiting for people, like you. And when I am late, because traffic is bad, you arent happy and let it out at me.

When I said I am not happy about waiting for you all the time, you shouted at me.

Oh God. Please help me. I dont want to spent my time with her anymore. At least not all the time.

 

 

 

Advertisements

Whenever I write..

My last entry was about how much my heart hurts because I had to deal with a selfish friend. I think it’s the age, that makes you realised what you need even when it comes to friendship. Importantly, you need common grounds, common terms, common understanding and supportive friends.

Today, I am writing, because again, I felt so angry. It has been months that I felt this angry. But just hours ago, and until now, I cannot cast the feeling aside. I am going to write about my strange workplace, bosses & colleague.

When I began my new job almost two years ago, I was the happiest person. Who isn’t? Because of the economic crisis, my business unit got closed down and I was let go. In three months I landed myself a good, well I thought a good prospective position as an assistant business analyst.

But 6 months into the job, after I had improved processes &  gave beyond my scope, I was drained to bits by the business manager & analyst. I am always told to think and create something new. But when I did, it always got shot down by the ‘malefic’ business manager. He claimed to be waking up from his deep sleep with a lot of ideas or be dreaming or thinking about ideas and he will jot them down asap.  At least Meryl Streep is a woman (they say women bosses are horrendous).

So I decided to moved to another department. But only after he claimed I was rude for trying to move without telling him first. (Long story short, I was poached by Manager X to assist him, then I got sick and went for a week’s medical leave, came back to work & things went awry). Thing is, Manager X approached business manager whilst I was on medical leave and then business manager thought I had been pursuing that position without his permission.  Cue: I should have stayed, Manager X had showed me unprofessionalism there, and I was blinded not to sense it.

Oh well.. I successfully transferred after getting an earful. Neither here nor there was beneficial at that stage.

Now 6 months into the new job, I found myself in the same familiar situation. I got burnt. This time round – I am not (still) managed properly.  I was told that I’ll be doing coordination tasks but that never happened. Instead of using my expertise, I was left to do a lot of administrative job. As I never was a clerk, I had troubles to cope. Silly? Because being a clerk/admin is easy? Not me. I am not born to handle things that are really troublesome or  doing trivial tasks.

By the way – I am a technical professional. An engineer to be precise. (I went to that business unit because it enhances my technical knowledge to business point of view – not wasted, at least. Period)

So what happened today, I had tried to befriended my replacement. This guy who took over my spot at the business department. Even when I was training him, I sensed that he was queer.

What he did?

In the first few days at work, he texted me about his ex-gf. Ok I was being kind to hear his emotional issues. But I did not expect him to text that he was stalking his ex. He texted me word by word like this; “She didn’t seem to be looking too sick, as she claimed. Today she brought a new bag. Never see that bag before.” OMG. So I blocked him on Whatsapp immediately.

My phone went kaput. So when I changed for a new one, I didn’t know that his number got unblocked. I don’t know how that could happen. But it happened. And he started to text me again. Initially I believed he had changed but he hasn’t. He is still as weird and stupid. Well I WAS STUPID.

I had myself to blame, for trying to see some silver lining. I thought if I tried to be nice, I could gain a work buddy. But every time I tried to explain my work unhappiness, I get 10,000 times angrier. I really already had not many friends there, and I thought talking to him helped. But NO. NO NO NO NO!

Even writing this is not relieving my anger at this idiot! Oh God.. I know it’s not worth thinking over this matter but I think it’s the ultimatum. So I blocked him again, but I need to really do something so that it wont recur.  Because I know tomorrow he will come by my desk, or we will cross path and I will feel like throwing the mug to his face.

So have you had the same experience as mine? If you did, what did you do to calm yourself down?

 

 

 

Emotional Overload

You saw that movie. The one Gweneth dons the fat suit and Jet Black thought she’s one super hot lady. And her friends all are well you know, not average looking. But they are brilliant kind souls.
Then wham bam, when Jet got his bejezels back, he realised what he was into.

Well I’m in something similar situation. But I’m conscious. Super uber conscious that I’m gonna puke if I tell you this. But I will anyways and puke in a bit.

I had a friend. Yeah , now ex friend. Shameless for me to say it but who cares. We shed friends like buying new clothes every decade right? No. Yes, that’s right, no. But anyways little Missy is twelve years my senior. Loves to complaint about her office mate, calls her slut, and then doomed her by slandering that poor office gal. She loathed office romance yet she loves it. She has affairs, yet condemn those who have. I just simply don’t get it.

She isn’t pretty at all. Her breathe stinks, has double chin, speaks oddly, has hairs sticking out of her chin. Talk abt unshaven armpit! And she thinks going to the salon to touch up those greys & doing a face lift saves it all. Heck no! That facelift doesn’t do her any justice. I was just being polite.

Oh she did introduced me to her friends, hahaha. Oops sorry, but one with that kinda eye that never parallel, is equally the same. Badmouthing is their language.

And back to metaphorically speaking. People always think these unpretty human are always kind. Have kindred souls like that movie. No no no. Not for this case.

Ugly face and ugly heart. She can’t take criticism, always bashing me saying I’m negative, when I complaint about work. Forgoodnessake, I’m a woman. We need to rant. So I can’t rant and you can. *eyeroll to Russia*

So I decided enough is enough. Sad truth she is abhorrent. Both in looks and attitude. I got dupe. I thought these people are kind with wonderful hearts..

I don’t need to explain much further. I’m far more than happy not having to listen to her anymore! And I’ve no patience for those who are rude to me. Too bad, bitch (yes me babe in  total control of herself) rules, you dumbass!

Pain

The body ache
The chest hurts
The mental fatigue
Its painful

I don’t know what I should do
A visit to the doctor
To induce your body chemically
Maybe good

I don’t think I need that
I need a wholesome cure
With a touch of miracle.

Crashed Crush

Crush? Horrid crash instead.

I have a horrible crush on someone and its giving me headaches.

I never learn to love. But for this one, strangely I’m able to accept the person as is.

Strange? Because I’m a person who always wants someone better.

This person, I realised, make me understood loving and accepting others flaws.

Hoh gawd. Am I really falling in love? Even if it’s just a stranger?

I need to stop this and get back to reality.

Erm, can it ever be real? Perhaps that’s when miracles happen.. Oh miracles, where art thou?

Wondrous Love

Is there such thing as love?

You look at him and she looks at you

Earnestly.

Is there such thing as love?

Wanting to spend your life with that person

Till death do us part.

Is there such thing as love?

For what is worth, I want to be and give that love.

For that one special person.

And I will find such love. I will.

Creep – Yes I AM

I realised, CREEP represents me.

I secretly tell my loved ones that I like or have crush on some people.

Yes, I creep up on their social media. Read what’s their latest update.

But I never. Never ever tell them, that I like them.

Why?

I’d supposed its a normal reaction that nobody likes. Rejection.

I grew up with this song. And only now it fits me. Listen to them here.

When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You’re so fuckin’ special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I’m not around
You’re so fuckin’ special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

She’s running out again,
She’s running out
She’s run run run run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You’re so fuckin’ special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here

 

cute

you wont believe it

my crush followed me to the pantry

he had been cheeky all week

makes me quiver in stomach like a monkey

 

you wont believe it

he talked to me at the pantry

and we talked

until…

 

you wont believe it

the word cute comes out from his chat

at first I was ecstatic

but then I was not

 

it wasn’t me

it isn’t me

“Cute” is my water bottle

the bumblebee-coloured water container!!!